A Fall Food Review – Or, Hungry at Target – Or, Food-Shamed by a Cashier

It’s been hot hot hot in LA, and I will fully admit I took a trip to Target so that I could spend some quality time in the air conditioning. I was also on a mission to acquire and devour the new apple pie flavor Oreos, because I love me some apple pie. I was NOT planning on loading up on fall food (i.e. pumpkin spice everything) as it was only September 1st … but Target has a way with me. Those tricksters put ALL of the apple pie Oreos in the aisle with the fall food, instead of in the cookie aisle.

Since I logically went to the cookie aisle first, I wound up buying cinnamon donut Chips Ahoy. So purchase #1, I fully blame on Target. Next, I entered the fall food aisle looking for the Oreos, and I happened to enter at the opposite end from where they were located (Target seriously knows how I shop and is using it against me…). As I meandered my way down, I wanted to buy almost everything, but I mustered an ounce of self control and only carted some Hershey’s caramel apple candies (and the Oreos).

Now that I’ve got my Oreos I really should have gotten my butt out of the store, but in an effort to maximize my time in the AC, I decided to continue wandering through the food aisles. This is a decision I have made many times before and it has never served me well. As I made my way past the beer, the candy, the pizza and more without fault, I arrived at the baking aisle. Now, I’ve started a side business baking and decorating cakes, so my trip down this aisle was well-intentioned. Despite that, I carted some pumpkin spice chips and nothing that would actually help me with my business.

At this point I was weak. Partly because my basket was getting very heavy and hard to carry, and partly because I figured I’d come this far, may as well see what else I could discover. As I made my way down the bread aisle I lit up as I saw the english muffins toward the end. I’ve had the pumpkin spice and maple french toast english muffins before and they were amazing, so naturally I got very excited to scoop up some more. I was disappointed that there was zero of either flavor on the shelf, but a new, interesting one was tempting me as a replacement: s’mores. S’mores english muffins. Every other s’mores creation I had ever tried was good to me, so I threw these in my heaping basket without much hesitation. Now, I think it’s safe for me to blame at least 2 of my purchases on the store itself. The others, I suppose I can take responsibility for…

Here’s a break down of what I bought, or was tricked into buying:

IMG_7896-01-09-17-09-34

1. Cinnamon Donut Chips Ahoy

I saw these on Instagram the same day I wound up purchasing them. Coincidence? Probably not. Turns out I need to spend less time in Target AND on Instagram. Regardless, these are pretty good. I was food-shamed by the cashier, who questioned “How in the hell is a cookie going to taste like a donut?” and I still don’t have the answer to that, but I do know that Chips Ahoy has the answer. These really did have a donut flavor to them, and they were good overall. I probably won’t buy these again (because now I’m on to you Target!) but if they were offered to me by someone else I might have one. (To clarify, the cashier also said things like “I have to stay away from that stuff, or I’d have no teeth,” and “Man, I don’t know how you eat all that stuff.” INSERT RAGE EMOJI HERE. Please note: I was using the SELF checkout. So this was a SERIOUS intrusion.)

2. Hershey’s Caramel Apple Candies

I ate two of these on my (air-conditioned) ride home, just to be sure. I am now positive that these are bad. The caramel apple flavor is definitely there, but it’s more of a sour apple, which was never meant to be mixed with milk chocolate. The experience was confusing and a bit offensive. I would never buy these again, nor would I eat one if it were offered to me. Gross.

3. Apple Pie Oreos

THE MOMENT WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! Calm down, these were just okay. I had my fingers crossed these would be so much like apple pie that I could eat one and be satisfied, allowing me to turn away from actual, full slices of pie. These are good, no doubt, but they will not keep me away from my mom’s apple pie. These also tasted a bit like the caramel apple Oreos, and that didn’t help their case. (I ate these before the Hershey’s so don’t worry, there was no contamination going on here.) I would not buy these again because I would rather spend money on an apple pie.

4. S’mores English Muffins

I was at the end of my fall taste test and had already been let down twice, so when I took a bite of these english muffins I was PISSED. These are waaaaaay bad. Like, my mouth almost revolted. If it could have emancipated itself from the rest of my body in order to avoid being subjected to another bite of that muffin, I’m positive it would have. Thankfully, that’s impossible and my mouth is still intact, ready to eat more cinnamon donut Chips Ahoy. In conclusion, DO NOT BUY THESE MUFFINS. Unless you hate your mouth.
Since technically it isn’t fall yet – especially not in SoCal – I’m not going to rule out a “Fall Food Review: Part 2.” If it happens, let’s all pray it’s less disappointing.
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